


Drunk

by Kittenmommy



Series: Loki and Pepper Potts: Conversations, Drinks, and Other Really Bad Ideas [35]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Blackmail material for forever!, Brian Banner's A+ Parenting, Brotherhood, Brothers, Bruce Feels, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Established Relationship, F/M, Fatherhood, Growing Up, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Internalized racism, Language, Loki Feels, Mead, Not What It Looks Like, Seriously so much drinking, Thor Feels, Tony Stark swears a lot, all of the feels, racism against jotnar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittenmommy/pseuds/Kittenmommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can’t believe I’m listening to this conversation,” Bruce says, sipping his drink.</p><p>“I can’t believe I’m <i>having</i> this conversation,” Loki says.</p><p>“So, come on,” Tony prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunk

**Author's Note:**

> _The Avengers_ belongs to Marvel, and I'm not making any money from this.
> 
> * * *
> 
> There won't be another update until after Thanksgiving. Sorry!
> 
> And I hope everyone who celebrates it has a terrific Thanksgiving! :D

“When do you think they’ll be back?” Sylvia asks.

Pepper shrugs. “It’s hard to say.”

“There’s no way I can ever thank Tony for this,” Sylvia says.

“He will not want thanks,” Hel says, smiling. “He likes Calvin… making him happy gives Tony joy.”

“Still… that’s a pretty amazing gift!” Freddy points out.

“I guess that’s one way to put it,” Sylvia agrees. “I haven’t wanted a drink so bad in years!”

Thor frowns. “So have one, Lady Sylvia.” He motions at the case of mead sitting near the bar. “There is plenty.”

She shakes her head, smiling ruefully. “Can’t. I’m a drunk.”

Thor’s frown deepens. “You are drunk? Why, then, do you wish for a drink?”

“She’s an alcoholic, Thor,” Bruce says sharply, and everyone _looks_ at him.

“ _Recovering_ alcoholic,” Sylvia says quietly.

Bruce nods curtly. “Sure.”

“Brother?” Thor says softly. “May we speak now?”

Loki nods. He rises and goes to the bar, selects a bottle of mead at random and motions for Thor to follow him into the kitchen.

“JARVIS,” Pepper says, “where are Mister Stark and Master Jennings?”

“They are currently doing loops around the Statue of Liberty, Miss Potts.”

“Oh my God,” Sylvia says. She reaches for her glass of grape juice and swallows it down in one gulp.

Freddy laughs and pats her shoulder reassuringly. “I’m sure Calvin’s having the time of his life,” he tells her.

“I’m sure,” she agrees numbly.

“And Tony will keep things under control,” Steve assures her.

She nods.

Bruce stands and walks over to stare out the window. After a moment, Hel rises and joins him.

“What troubles you?” she asks softly.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he fires back.

“Bruce… I have never heard you speak as sharply as you did to Sylvia just now. What is the matter?”

“My father’s drinking again,” Bruce says, still staring out the window at the snow-covered city. “He was stinking drunk last night, and I couldn’t deal with it. So I came back here.”

“Oh.” Hel is unsure what else to say. “I’m sorry.”

“The Other Guy… I could _feel_ him wanting to get out.”

“Did he?”

Bruce shakes his head. “No. Thanks to your dad, I was able to control him.”

“I’m glad.”

“But… I _wanted_ to let him out. If my mom hadn’t been there… I would’ve let him out to smash and smash and smash.”

Hel nods wordlessly.

“My mom… she made excuses for him.” He shakes his head. “After all the bullshit and all the abuse he put her through – put _us_ through! – she _still_ defends him.”

Hel shrugs. “She loves him.”

He turns to stare up at her.

“That’s not love,” he finally says. “That’s co-dependency. And _you’d_ better learn the difference!”

Without another word he turns and stalks away, going up the hallway toward his room.

* * *

In the kitchen, Loki gets down glasses from the cupboard, opens the mead and pours them both a drink.

“So,” he finally says, setting the bottle down on the table and taking a seat. “Jötunheim.”

In the chair across from him, Thor sips his mead. It’s a moment before he speaks.

“The Frost Giant Helblindi has laid claim to the throne of Jötunheim. He says that he is Laufey’s true and only heir.”

Loki shrugs. “And?”

“He is trying to take what is yours, brother!” Thor sounds outraged.

Loki rolls his eyes. “He may have it, for all I care. Truly, I wish him all the joy of it.” He frowns. “How is it you know of this, Thor? Surely this Helblindi person did not contact you to tell you his intent.”

Thor fidgets in his chair. 

“I have approached the Jötnar with the offer of establishing diplomatic relations between Asgard and Jötunheim.”

Loki is astounded. 

And appalled.

“Thor… _why_?”

“You sound like Father, for his reaction was much the same.”

“I am not surprised. Thor, what is this folly?”

Thor shrugs. “It is time that there is peace – a _true_ peace – between us.”

Suddenly, Loki isn’t sure if Thor is discussing Asgard and Jötunheim or Thor and himself… or _both_.

“Thor, they are monsters.”

“You are not a monster… nor is Hel.”

“We were raised by civilized people.”

“But if you were _born_ monsters, if it were in your blood, it would not matter who raised you. You would be monsters regardless.”

“So you are hoping to go to Jötunheim and teach the monsters how to be _civilized_ … just like your psychotic, megalomaniacal little brother!”

“You are neither of those things, Loki.”

Loki shakes his head. “You’ve gone mad, Thor.” 

“Perhaps,” Thor agrees. “I have also offered them help in rebuilding their realm, for we of Asgard have done Jötunheim great harm.” 

Loki notices that his brother doesn’t mention Loki’s own role in that.

He sighs. “And what has Jötunheim said to your offer?”

Thor looks troubled. “There are other factions who do not support Helblindi’s claim. They are demanding that we return what was stolen.”

“Ah, yes, the Casket. Of course they’d want that back.”

“ _And_ you, brother. They are demanding the return of the kidnapped Loptr-King.”

“Loptr-King?”

“Yes. Loptr is… or _was_ your true-name.”

Loki blinks. He had had a name? And who names an infant only to abandon it to die? This doesn’t make any sense.

He puts these thoughts away for later.

“Me and the Casket,” he finally says. “Well, one is useless without the other,” he continues bitterly, “and so naturally they would want both.” He sips his mead for a moment. 

“And what did you tell them?” he asks cautiously. He’s almost afraid to know.

“I told them that I do not have the Casket, that I have given it to you and so I cannot return it. And I told them that you are your own man and that if you wish to return to Jötunheim, you will. If not… well, none will force you.”

“But you wish me to go, do you not? Go there and teach civilization as dictated by the Æsir to those mindless filthy monsters!”

Thor rises. 

“No, Loki. I do not wish you to do anything that would cause you pain, for you have already suffered far too much hurt in the name of Asgard.”

This rather takes the wind out of Loki’s sails.

Thor turns to leave, then hesitates, turning back. 

“I also told the Jötnar that my reasoning in this is entirely personal. I, Thor, King of Asgard, owe them a great debt, a debt that I can never repay, for they have given me the greatest gift I have ever known: they gave me _you_.”

Loki opens his mouth to protest scathingly that the Jötnar had not _given_ him to _anyone_ , let alone Thor, but to Loki’s chagrin, nothing comes out but a sort of strangled sobbing sound.

“Brother?”

Loki covers his eyes with one hand and shakes his head. He picks up his glass and drains it.

When he finally looks up at Thor, his eyes are bright but his voice doesn’t shake.

“Tell them… tell them that I said that they shall _never_ have me back. Certainly not while my brother has need of me.”

Without another word, Thor strides over, grasps Loki’s shoulders and pulls him to his feet. He cups Loki’s neck in his hand and pulls him close in an embrace. 

For the first time in a very long time, Loki doesn’t stiffen in his arms. Instead, he wraps his arms around Thor and holds him tightly, as though he will never let go.

* * *

When Loki and Thor return to the living room, they find that Bruce has left but Tony and Calvin have returned.

They’ve shed their armor, and Calvin is staring up at Tony with huge, adoring eyes. 

“That was the coolest thing _ever_! Thanks, Iron Man!”

“Any time, Big Guy,” Tony says, laughing. “You could come out on patrol with all of us next week, if you want,” he continues offhandedly. “If your mom says it’s OK.”

Calvin whirls around. “Mom! Can I? Please? Please please _please_?”

Sylvia is laughing. “We’ll see, Calvin.”

His eyes are shining with happiness. “This is the best Christmas _ever_!”

Thor glances over at Loki. 

“Yes,” he says, his booming voice surprisingly soft. “I think it may be.”

* * *

Tony wakes up alone in the dark.

Something is wrong.

“Hel?” he calls sleepily.

He hears a muffled sound.

Frowning, he sits up.

The only light in the darkness is coming from the arc reactor glowing blue in his chest… no, wait, there’s a thin line of light under the bathroom door.

“Hel?” he repeats, sliding out of bed. He pads over to the bathroom and knocks on the door.

“Tony... I don’t…” She sounds like she’s crying.

“Lights, JARVIS.” The lights come on. “Hel, can I come in?”

There’s no answer.

He tries the door. It’s locked.

“JARVIS, get that door open.”

“It is unlocked, sir.”

Tony tries it again. “No, it’s not. Get it open _now_!”

“It is unlocked, sir.”

He tries the door again. Still locked. “Goddammit!” He pounds on the door. “Hel!”

“I believe that Miss Lokidóttir has used magic to seal the door, sir.”

Tony presses his ear against the door and hears the sound of muffled sobbing.

“JARVIS, get Loki out of bed!”

“No, Tony!” Hel cries. “Do not call Father!”

“Then let me in!”

“I… cannot.”

“Yes you can!”

“Sir,” JARVIS interrupts. 

“What, JARVIS?”

“Please try to remain calm.”

“JARVIS, don’t you fucking fuck with me – ”

“Miss Lokidóttir is bleeding, sir.”

“ _What?_ ”

“There is blood – ”

“Get Doctor Banner up here _NOW!_ ”

“Yes, sir.”

“What is happening, Stark?” a new voice asks.

“Took you fucking long enough,” Tony says without turning around.

Loki joins him at the closed door. “Hel? Are you all right?”

“Yes,” Hel says quietly, her voice wavering. “It is fine, Father. Go back to bed.”

“May I come in?”

“No!” she yelps, sounding horrified.

Loki puts his hand on the doorknob, and quickly withdraws it with a surprised _hiss_.

“She’s spelled the door against me!”

Bruce comes pounding into the room.

“What happened?” he asks. His hair is sticking up in all directions, and his glasses are sitting crookedly on his face.

Pepper is close behind him, tying her robe shut as she runs.

“What’s going on?” Pepper asks.

“Hel has locked herself in the bathroom,” Loki says, running a hand through his hair. “I do not know what is wrong.”

“JARVIS said…”

“What, Stark?”

“JARVIS said she’s bleeding.”

Loki’s eyes widen. “Bleeding?” he repeats. “She is injured?”

“I have no fucking clue, Loki. I’m right here with you on the wrong side of that goddamn door!”

Loki pounds on the door. 

“Hel, you will open that door _immediately_!” he roars, sounding like every angry parent ever. But Tony can hear the fear and desperation underneath that anger. He puts a hand on Loki’s arm. 

“Come on, Loki,” he says quietly. “It’ll be OK.”

Bruce goes to the door and knocks. “Hel, it’s me, Bruce. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I…”

“Fuck this.” Tony holds up his wrists. “JARVIS, deploy!”

“No, wait!” Bruce says. 

With a frown, Tony says, “Cancel deploy, JARVIS.”

“Yes, sir.”

Bruce is still trying to reason with Hel through the door. “Just… Hel, I’m a doctor, remember?”

“Yes, Bruce.”

“I’ve seen it all before, believe me.”

“Yes.”

“Please, let me help you. It’ll be OK, I promise. Just let me in so I can see what’s wrong.”

Hel’s voice is very quiet. “All right.”

They all breathe a sigh of relief. Tony tries the door again, but it still won’t open.

“Hel? You need to unlock the door, OK?” Tony says.

“No.” Two long, pale fingers appear from beneath the door. “Bruce?”

He squats down and touches her fingers, and promptly vanishes.

“It’ll be OK, Loki,” Pepper reassures him, putting an arm around his waist.

He nods, looking unconvinced.

Tony puts his ear against the door, listening to Bruce and Hel conferring in quiet voices.

Beside him, Loki’s hand is pressed against the door, glowing green. He’s murmuring under his breath in another language, but nothing happens. 

The murmuring soon becomes what can only be cursing, as Loki finally backs away in defeat and moves off to stand with Pepper to regroup.

The door opens and Bruce emerges, quickly closing the door behind him.

“Bruce!” everyone exclaims in unison.

Bruce smiles tiredly.

“Pepper, would you?” he asks, motioning her forward.

“I… yes, of course.” She goes to the door, which opens easily at her touch.

Loki moves forward. “Hel – ” he begins, but the door shuts in his face. “What’s going on here, Bruce?” he demands.

“I’m pretty sure I know what’s happening… and if I’m right, Hel is going to be fine. Just give me a minute,” Bruce says, and then: “JARVIS, bring up the results for Hel’s last four blood draws.”

“Yes, Doctor Banner.” A holographic screen appears in midair, and data streams by almost too fast to follow.

Bruce frowns, pointing. “There.”

Loki stares at the screen. “What?”

Bruce’s finger traces the graph of one of the results. “Hormone levels.” He nods. “She’ll be fine. She’s not dying; she’s menstruating.”

Loki blinks. “She’s what?”

“Yeah. No wonder she was freaked out… when I took her medical history back when we first began this project, she told me she’d never had a period. ‘Dead things don’t bleed,’ she’d said.”

“Holy shit,” Tony says. “So… uh… why _now_?”

Bruce shrugs. “Maybe being away from Niflheim… I really don’t know.”

“I believe that I need a drink,” Loki says numbly.

Tony knocks on the door. “Pep?”

“Yeah?”

“You OK in there?”

“Yes, Tony,” Hel replies. “Everything is fine.”

“I’ve got this,” Pepper assures him.

“Excellent!” Tony says, and claps Loki on the shoulder. “Let’s go have that drink!”

* * *

“Well, _this_ has been quite a night,” Tony says, pouring mead out into two glasses. He’s behind the bar in his living room, and Loki and Bruce are sitting on barstools.

Bruce has declined a drink, and is instead sipping on a bottle of mineral water.

“It is certainly not what I expected when I went to bed tonight,” Loki agrees. He sips his drink. “Bruce…”

“Yeah?”

“Does this mean… that… ah, that one day I might have grandchildren?”

“Um, are you asking me if Hel is fertile?”

Loki nods wordlessly and drinks more.

“I… really don’t know, Loki. Menstruation doesn’t necessarily indicate fertility. I’d have to send her to a specialist for much more in-depth testing to be sure. And a lot of those tests are pretty invasive… I’m not sure I’d really recommend that unless she were trying to conceive and failing.”

Loki is quiet for a long moment. “I see.”

“And she’s _definitely_ not trying to conceive!” Tony adds hastily.

“But, hey,” Bruce continues, “obviously humans and Frost Giants can interbreed. So, when the time comes…” He gestures at Tony, who promptly chokes on his drink.

Loki’s forehead hits the bar with an audible _thump_. He says something under his breath that Tony can’t quite make out, but it sounds suspiciously like, “ _The Norns must_ hate _me!_ ”. 

The fact that Bruce is laughing probably isn’t helping.

Loki sits up, drains his glass and holds it out. Tony refills it and then tops off his own drink.

“ _Aaaaannnnny_ way,” Tony says in an obvious bid to change the subject. “Bruce, are you gonna tell us what went down with the ’rents on Christmas?”

Bruce sighs. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Loki has finished his drink and is holding out his glass again.

“Whoa, slow down there, Frosty,” Tony says, but he’s pouring anyway.

“Bruce,” Loki says, choosing to ignore Tony’s latest annoying nickname for him, “if Hel were to… would her children be monsters?”

“Oh… Loki… I don’t…”

Without a word, Tony takes down another glass and pours out more mead before Bruce can protest. 

“Here,” he says, pushing the glass toward Bruce. “You’re gonna need it.”

Bruce sips his drink and sighs. 

“I really couldn’t say, Loki.” He shrugs. “She might be able to have normal children with a Jötun man, or a human man… or…”

“Or she may birth monsters.”

Bruce takes a drink. “Yes.”

Loki sighs. “I never expected to have to deal with _any_ of this… it’s a bit overwhelming.”

Bruce nods. “I’ll bet.”

“But worth it, right?” Tony asks.

Loki smiles. “Yes, Stark. It is absolutely worth it.”

“Good.”

They drink.

Tony pours refills.

And Tony being Tony…

“Hey, Loki, let me ask you something. Strictly in the interest of science, of course.”

Loki eyes him warily. “Ask”.

“So… sort of on the subject of reproduction… are Frost Giants… you know… like _us_?”

Loki’s brow furrows. “I do not understand. Speak plainly, Stark.”

“OK, you know… um… _anatomy_. Uh… _down below_.” He points at his own crotch for emphasis.

It takes Loki a moment.

“I would not know,” he finally says stiffly.

Tony boggles. “Wait, _seriously_?”

“Yes, Stark. Seriously.”

“But you and Angrboða…”

“She was shrouded in an enchantment, so that she would appear as we… as the Æsir do.”

Tony thinks about this. “OK, so you never saw her… you know.”

Loki rolls his eyes. “No, I did not… nor do I have any wish to do so.”

Tony takes a drink of mead. “Well, you must’ve seen… you know, _yourself_.”

“I can’t believe I’m listening to this conversation,” Bruce says, sipping his drink.

“I can’t believe I’m _having_ this conversation,” Loki says.

“So, come on,” Tony prompts.

“Tony, are you _seriously_ asking Loki what he has in his pants?”

“Um… maybe? OK, you know, when you put it _that_ way, it sounds really bad.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Bruce tells him.

Loki gulps down his drink and holds out his glass for a refill.

“Stark, let us put an end to this: I spend as little time as possible in that form, and so no, I do not know… ah, much about it.”

“That’s _crazy_!” Tony says, shaking his head. “I mean, if I had access to a whole other body that might be able to do all kinds of cool new stuff, I’d seriously check it out!”

Loki regards Tony steadily over the top of his glass. “That could be arranged, Stark,” he says meaningfully. “Do not try me any further.”

“Oh… shit… OK, sorry.”

They drink.

“It seems fitting that we are speaking of the Jötnar,” Loki suddenly says, “for Thor has brought me news of Jötunheim.”

Bruce’s eyebrows go up, but he says nothing.

“Big doings back home?” Tony asks, finishing his drink and pouring another.

“Mmmm. You might say that,” Loki agrees, and he’s sounding a bit sloshed. “I fear I may have to return there.”

“Why?” Bruce asks.

Loki sighs. “Thor.”

“Uh oh,” Tony says, but he’s grinning in anticipation. “What’d he do _this_ time?”

“He has foolish notions…” Loki waves a hand dismissively, almost hitting Tony in the face. “It is unimportant. But he’s stirred up trouble, and as usual, I may have to go clean up after him.”

“He’s a bull in a china shop, isn’t he?” Tony asks.

Loki nods. “The comparison is apt, though he does mean well.”

“What did he do?” Bruce asks, sipping his drink. “Insult the locals?”

“Not… precisely. They are demanding my return… me and the Casket.”

“Oh, shit,” Tony says. “What’re you gonna do?”

“Not let them have the Casket, if that’s what you’re asking,” Loki says, finishing his drink. “More?”

“Sure!” Tony says cheerfully, pouring. He’s never seen Loki like this; no amount of scotch had ever affected him, certainly not like this mead. 

“There is a Jötun called Helblindi who is claiming to be Laufey’s one, _true_ heir. Thor thinks that I should… ah, set him straight.”

“Yeah, go kick ass!” Tony encourages, raising his glass of mead in salute. “They’ll sing songs of your valor… isn’t that the kind of thing Thor says?” He thinks for a moment, and then begins to sing: “Loki the Jötun was a jolly, happy soul, with a corncob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal – ”

Loki stops this impromptu concert with a withering look.

Bruce rises. “Well, as hilarious as it is watching two drunk idiots act like fools,” he says bitingly, “I think I’m going to call it a night.”

Tony frowns. “Bruce, what’s up?”

Bruce turns, glaring. “My father fell off the wagon.”

Loki looks concerned. “Was he hurt?”

Tony is lucid enough to know that laughing at this would be pretty much the worst thing he could do at this point, and he bites the inside of his lip until it bleeds.

“No, he wasn’t, Loki,” Bruce says angrily. “But Mom and I were.”

And without another word, he walks off.

“Well, that went well,” Tony finally says. He holds up the mead bottle. “Drink?”

* * *

Loki wakes in an unfamiliar bed.

His head is _pounding_.

There’s a warm weight next to him, and he closes his eyes and snuggles closer. Pepper must have brought him to this bed last night… he doesn’t even think to wonder why, or where he is.

The warm bundle next to him groans a decidedly un-Pepperlike groan.

“Good morning, Mister Stark,” JARVIS says. “It is eleven twenty-five AM on Thursday, December – ”

“Kill it, JARVIS,” the warm bundle – Stark! – mumbles.

Loki is staring wide-eyed when Tony rolls over and sees him there.

“What the _fuck_?” he blurts out, backing away so fast that he falls off the edge of the bed and onto the floor. “Jesus fuck, goddammit!”

 _Well, at least we’re both fully clothed,_ Loki thinks. _So there’s_ that _, anyway._

“Good morning, boys,” a new voice says. 

Loki looks up to see Pepper standing in the doorway.

Tony’s hand appears, clutching the bed. He clambers to his knees and sees Pepper. 

Hel is behind her, looking amused.

Pepper does _not_ look amused. She’s got her arms folded across her chest and an expression on her face that Tony immediately recognizes.

“Uh, Pep… I can explain – ”

“Can you?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. “Can you _really_?”

“Uh…” He glances at Loki. “Quick,” he says quietly, “what’s the last thing you remember last night?”

Loki frowns, concentrating.

“Um, I think I’d gone into the bathroom? And then…”

And then the entire mortifying incident comes flooding back to him.

“Oh dear Valhalla,” he whispers.

The corner of Pepper’s mouth twitches, and she dissolves into laughter.

“Wait… you’re… uh… you’re not mad?” Tony asks suspiciously.

“Of course not,” she says, and Hel is laughing too. “Not when I have blackmail material on both of you _for the rest of your lives_!”

“And _beyond_ ,” Hel adds, causing Pepper to break into fresh laughter.

Tony glances at Loki. “Do I want to know?”

Loki shakes his head emphatically.

“It’s really bad, isn’t it?”

“Worse than you can imagine, Stark.”

“Worse than waking up in bed with you?”

“ _Much_ worse, Stark.”

“ _Jesus._ ”

“Come on you two, get out of bed,” Hel finally prompts. “I’ll make breakfast.”

* * *

After breakfast, Tony goes down to his workshop.

“Full security lockdown mode, JARVIS,” Tony says. 

“Yes, sir,” JARVIS agrees.

“Now, bring up the surveillance video from last night…”

* * *

Tony watches the video in appalled silence.

When it’s finally over, he whispers, “Oh, fuck me.”

* * *

On the video:

Loki and Tony, both laughing giddily, stumble up the hallway.

“Go on, Loke,” Tony urges, opening a door. “Go look!”

“This… this is a bad idea,” Loki says vaguely, but he obediently goes inside and closes the door behind him.

A beat.

“Well?” Tony demands.

“Ah… well, I’ve got to admit, this certainly does explain a lot.”

“What is it?” Tony grabs the doorknob, but it’s locked. “Come on, Loke. _Lemme see_!” he whines.

“No!”

“Come onnnnn!” He rattles the doorknob, and it breaks. “Ha!” he exclaims gleefully, and forces his way inside.

Tony stares.

“What the _hell?_ ” he finally manages.

Suddenly, Pepper is there: “Tony, what are you – ” 

She takes in the scene before her, speechless.

Loki is blue. 

He’s got his pants down around his ankles, and Tony is staring at his crotch.

“This isn’t what it looks like,” Tony finally says.

Pepper stares.

“Pepper? Say something?” Tony says.

Pepper stares.

“OK, look, this isn’t the worst thing you’ve caught me doing,” Tony tries.

And then… Pepper laughs.

“I think it’s time for bed,” she says. “Don’t you?”

Loki murmurs something in another language, and now he’s pale and fully clothed once more.

Grinning wickedly, she leads them away.

FINIS.

**Author's Note:**

> The song that Tony sings ("Loki the Jötun") is to the tune of "Frosty The Snowman", which belongs to Walter "Jack" Rollins and Steve Nelson.


End file.
